so not recommended post to read.

Well, I hope this post is not going to be another long crap story. Hopefully.

I've been trying my best to be Miss-the-happiest-girl-in-the-world until today. I try to laugh as much as I can even tough I'm not in the happy mood. I eat whatever I want to eat even though I'm not hungry. I go wherever I want to go with whoever I want to be. I did those things just for the sake of my happiness because I know life's short.

I've been waiting for something way too long. I was once planning just to give up because I don't think I will have enough strength to hold that back for a longer time. I feel like every time I try things, it keeps failing, failing and failing. hhhhhh. No, it's not about finding soul mate, boy friend, husband for future life or that kinda thing. Maybe for other people it sounds cheesy and lame but for me it's a big deal. The thing that I'm worrying is about finding the right workplace. The place where I should be at. Otherwise I'll be feeling so useless and pointless being here. I know, maybe that's not the end point of what God is wanting to give me but the lessons being learnt. But, I am too tired now. Literally tired.

And that's not the only problem that I'm having right now. There are still so many problems and I hate it when they come all together at the same time. It's like digging a long long never ending hole. It's so dark until you can't see any lights at all from anywhere. I got so many personal problems that I actually want to share to lighten my burden but I can't and not allowed to. Now everything seems so complicated. I don't know how to start and which problem I need to sort it out first. I'm just as small as an ant in this gigantic world.

I've never felt this kind of feeling in my entire life so far. I think this is the lowest turning point that I've ever had. Also, I've never written anything like this before. I think this post looks so disgusting. But thank you for your time to read (if any), regardless how many persons out there who is willingly to read this blog from an unknown person like me. I am not aiming in viewers. I just want to share my problem here. Because, blog is always besides me, where I'm lost in this world and nobody really cares about anybody else. That's a pathetic fact but it's so real. There's nothing else I can say beside thank you very much to my dearest blog and people who are reading this blog for keeping me company through my ups and downs.

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Oh gosh. Look at my writing! I just want to laugh now. Feel like an artist or what with my words. Pretty much lots of bullshit there. Not the real bullshit I mean. Just a little bit maybe? hmm.. Okay now, I need to stop this before I am going to tell you another-long-boring-crap-cheesy-lame-story. I'll try to get through all of these problems and get over it ASAP. fingers crossed. Nighty night, peeps!